The Association of Motorized Vehicles Operated By Old Women

I have a plan….

Martin Luther King has inspired a group of old women being terrorized by rude bicyclists in the small town of Quandry, Indiana. 

The town of Quandry is a quiet little rural town in southern Indiana.  The main road connecting the residents with the town proper is a long wind-ey, hilly stretch of country road so thin across that its difficult at times for 2 large vehicles to pass even with a broken yellow passing zone, which in the case of Quandry’s 45 N doesn’t occur till you get past the railroad tracks approaching town.  It’s a solid double yellow all the way up till there.  Till 2 years ago the citizens enjoyed their long country drive in peace and safety.  Then the hordes of bicyclist descended on the town, often riding 2 or more abreast, on this long road at all times of the day forcing drivers to drive with their foot to the brakes all the way into town with little hope of making it to appointments or work on time.  By implication, the citizens were expected to dig deep into their pocket of limited time and give it up to the bicyclists.  Not only that, these bicylists decided not to share the road at all, yelling vulgarisms at any who dared to ask them to move aside.  Some even stopped cars on the high way, spreading their arms apart in threatening gestures.  Others tracked drivers down who dared to pass inside the lane, trying to obey the law AND get to work on time, threatening them in front of others at the town’s recycling station on the route.  But the worst of all was the danger the bicyclists presented: the outright defiance of the law.  When cars lined up behind them 5 and 7 deep, they began to tempt the drivers to break the law and began waving them around them with no concern for the danger they were causing.  After several near misses with drivers shaken and scared, everybody in the town agreed something had to be done before someone was killed by people who it seemed had little regard for time or life.  

The Association of Motorized Vehicles Operated by Old Women was formed when Doris, their president, was told by a bicyclist that as a driver she was only privileged to be on the road but that he had a right to be out on the road. Doris, no slouch in the brain department, realized the stamp of selective logic common to self-assuming postmodern youth and decided to beat him and his cohorts at their own game.  Being absolutely clear about the loopholes of the law as he was, she went out to her motorized wheelchair and realized that it qualified as a motorized vehicle and thereby had the same right as a bicyclist to be on the road. Further realizing that her top speed on a motorized wheelchair would defeat his purpose to train on the road at his desired speed in much the same way he was exercising selfish disregard for the time and safety of drivers, she decided to form the club.  The mission was written down, the meetings organized, the biking road times observed, timed and mapped, for 8 old women owning and operating motorized wheelchairs.  

Their first rally “Getting Out in Front” was held on a sunny Saturday morning in May as the women rode their motorized wheelchairs complete with legal slow moving vehicle triangle signs on the back, 8 abreast, down and up 45 N/S ahead of each group of bicyclists who complained vulgarly and loudly about not being able to reach top racing speed all the way into town and back again.  Some quit immediately when it became apparent, that similar to their own behavior but with a steely politeness, the women would not be moved off the road.  “There are just a few stubborn hold outs left”, said Doris, “But we know its only a matter of time before they get the point.  Get off our road and leave us in peace and safety!  I had a plan….and it worked.”

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